Friday, 28 December 2012

The Year in Rhyme!

So in the final week of this the year Twenty Twelve
From January to December I shall plan to delve!
I am going to try and be a little bit more clever
I know you’re sat there thinking "You? Never"!
I will try and discuss events, points and the odd story
And relive my grumpiness and anger in all its techno glory!
Whilst trying to make this damn 2012 year review rhyme
Although my poetry skills could be seen by some as a crime!

So the beginning of the year started with dance and jive,
It continued each week in the Sub Bar and the odd dive!
Carly Rae Jepson was the track of choice for the trio,
Moving around the dance floor like The Matrix’s Neo!
The three amigos spread the dance fever with joy,
It also allowed us to take the piss out of a certain Jew Boy!

I learnt many things about Jew Boy and his lack of tact
He can fall asleep anywhere and that is matter of fact!
He likes to dance with women like he’s making out
And looks like a boiled egg with cress hair about to sprout!
He leaves his empty contact lenses all over my home,
And Ash thinks they’re pods left by a magical gnome!

Speaking of Ash, he is the housemate you know,
He’s been with me for 2012, but we pass and go.
He leaves crumbs and thinks everywhere is north
Travelling around Yorkshire, up, down, back and forth,
Spreading the love for his passion which is boring darts
And sits and eats Chinese whilst releasing vicious farts!

In the news I’ve had child hood TV stars been ousted as paedo’s
Sir Jimmy flashing his golden tracksuit and skimpy speedo’s!
There’s been the announcement of a royal baby on the way,
Column inches dedicated to keeping morning sickness at bay!
The USA also re-elected Obama as President of the Earth
If American I would have voted Obama for what it’s worth!

In the UK we had a year to celebrate with gusto and glee,
It was a year of parties for the Queen’s Diamond jubilee!
She had everything from street parties with plenty to scoff,
My only highlight, however, was the fact we got a day off!
She even had a gig arranged for her by X-Factor’s Gary Barlow.
And boy can that man certainly put on a very camp show!

There were plenty of other reasons for the UK to rejoice,
The entire country came together in one united voice.
The Olympics came to our shores and we wanted to shout,
Look at us, Britain is great, for that the world was in no doubt.
We had gold medals galore for Farah, Adams and Ennis,
And even a victory for the Brit, not a Scot, in the tennis!!

I continued to get angry at cars with lashes and stupid stickers,
People that do that kind of thing are just simple window lickers!
I had two teeth out even though only one was meant to be done,
That was a mistake, the dentist states, think of it as two for one!
But I have found out that I do get comfort from certain stuff,
Like startling babies, coffee lids and running around in the buff!

In 2012 Hollywood ran out of ideas making remakes galore,
Including a childhood fave, Total Recall, I fell to the floor!
The big movies of the year brought comic books to life,
Cutting up the box office records like a hot butter knife!
We even had Bond back on his 50th birthday all moody and mean,
Although Bond’s highlight surely was the sketch with the Queen!

The music scene continued to spit all sorts out to make you smile,
I love the one pound fish man and of course Psy’s Gangnam Style!
Emeli Sande seemed to jump on board everything this year,
And Adele just seemed to simply take over the entire Sphere!!
Personally I went to see Noel Gallagher and the High Flying Birds,
It was loud in Newcastle though and I couldn’t hear the words!

I have also had to put up with many a question asked by my kids,
I’ve had enough so I am willing to sell them so get in your bids!
I also have a Grandma that likes to have a bit of banter with me,
But once she starts, there’s no stopping and I have to just flee!
I have a brother that generally ignores me and parents that just tut,
A sister in a law who’s always right and I’m loved less than the mutt!

I have come to the conclusion I have no patience and a short fuse,
This could be the result of the copious amounts of consumed booze.
I think it is better to be in a drunken daze and happy as a result,
I want to cling on to my childhood; I no longer want to be an adult!
As a child nothing really ever bothered me or got me mad,
Now everything pisses me off and irritates me just a tad!

I am surrounded by moaners, prodders, tappers and nags,
There is no wonder that I go through so many packs of fags!
I know I am a little odd with my likes and dislikes and pet hates,
I know people drive me insane like friends, colleagues and housemates!
The lesson is that if you do not know all the above or even just a few
And you have no nuisances in your life then can only mean it’s you!

So that is it from me for 2012, that was the year that was,
And if you didn’t like my blogs or this rhyme review then soz!
I do have the blog bug however and intend to write more,
So do please continue to visit the site, you know the score!
Remember the blogs are intended to make you smile not frown,
So just go click on that shortcut for One by One They All Fall Down!