Ratatatatatatatatatat....
One after the other after the other... I guess it is similar to my domino thinking, but when you've had a long day at work and have had little sleep (because you stayed up to watch Murray win the US Open, just so you can join in the conversation the next day it isn't needed!!).
It's also the fact that the questions do not make sense either or are not even remotely connected to what you're watching/discussing in the first place.
My boys have discovered sport, after not being interested for so many years, they now are. Which is great! What every Dad wants, to be able to watch sport with his kids. However, with that comes the need to realise that they do not know everything yet, even if they think they do.
So whilst watching England vs Ukraine (don't get me started on that) I sat with the boys. My youngest, who is 8 on Sunday, got in a panic that he had not updated his Fantasy Football team. I explained that this was England, not Premier League so no need to worry about that until Friday. Calm ensued...
Then came the question "Why does Lampard play for England when he was a Chelsea player last week?" I explained that Chelsea is club football and then if good enough, or in England's case there is really no alternative choice, they are picked for their country.
My youngest panicked... "But what about my Fantasy Football team?!?! How will it affect it???" I explained again that club football and International football are two different things.
Then they both asked "Why don't England pick Drogba...?" I explained that he wasn't English, but they counter argued that he DID (not now of course) play for Chelsea, the same as Lampard, so surely could be picked for England.
Then my youngest asks if Mikel (another Chelsea player) was Argentinian... I said no. To which my eldest said that was stupid as he was a "black player and so couldn't be Argentinian, so must be African".
I said he was African, Nigerian to be exact, but just because he's black doesn't mean he comes from Africa. I used Welbeck as an example of an Englishman.
That seemed to click or so I thought.
"But Mo Farrah is British but was born in Africa" came the reply. Hmmm... Yes, but he moved to Britian at a young age and has become a citizen of the UK. Why is is that they hear Mo was born in Africa maybe once and it sinks in, but whatever I tell them takes an age to comprehend??
The game continued...
"Buuuuuut.... Drogba has lived in the UK for years now, why can't he play for England...?"
I am losing the will to live...
Then another question by the youngest. "Is Mo Farrah Defoe's brother? That's what so and so said at school..."
No he's not. Defoe comes from London (I think), they are not related.
"But I am from Yorkshire and my cousin's are from South England and we're related... "
Grrrr... Ukraine are 1 up and time is running out and I am getting the hump listening to these questions... I could quite easily send them to bed now seing as it's a school night, but everyday is a school day as the phrase goes and I am giving them my wisdom and helping them learn... But I just want to watch the game.
After endless conversations about corners that shouldn't have been and my eldest shouting foul for every tackle because I did once earlier, my relaxing evening was turning into a most stressful one.
Then my youngest pipes up again... "Did I do anything funny as a baby...?"
No! Was my short and shrift reply. You laid still, you never moved, never gurgled, you did nothing... Done with!
"That isn't what Mum says..." Grrrr
When did Sturridge come on the pitch?? God, I missed that bit... Have I seen any of the 2nd half in fact???
Finally a penalty!!!! Lampard steps up and scores under pressure - hooray!! 1-1 and England have salvaged a draw...
My youngest looks at me, big blue eyes, a look of concern on his face... He opens his mouth and talks just above a whisper...
"Oh no Dad, he's on my bench on my Fantasy Football team...."
I think it's bed time... And tomorrow I am buying an Encyclopedia!!!
My final thought as they brushed teeth and got their PJ's on was why oh why do they manage to pee on the inch of porcelain around the toilet rim and not in the middle??!?!?! I use more toilet roll on cleaning the toilet seat than I do on my own arse!!!
Good night children, sweet dreams.... Until the next game...
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